A spiritual awakening is the process of learning who we truly are through a vibratory connection that permeates us all. This awakening can feel different for each individual and come in stages as the person experiencing the shedding of their ego-self can slowly lose their identity of who they believe themselves to be and reconnect to the whole that is. When we do this, we have the unique ability to understand ourselves as well as others and raise what some believe to be the collective consciousness. A spiritual awakening is a personal experience that allows full connection with Prana, God, Source, Gaia, Yahweh, Allah, as well as many other names that have developed from the human language to describe what is utterly indescribable. What about the opposite side of that universal coin and the loss of that oneness that we crave? A spiritual death is something entirely different as it consumes and eats away at the wholeness we once had as a young innocent child. Spiritual death can occur when the spirit has undergone traumatic experiences, abuse, addiction, loss, or anything that slowly depletes our soul.
Some would say in order to see the light you must first walk in the dark and that is exactly what I did as I came out of a two week opiate drug binge and felt as though my whole body had just been initiated into fight club. My body shook in waves as I felt electric type zaps all the way from my brain to my ankles. My muscles were weak and my skin sweat even when it was cold. Opiates delivered a small reprieve from my grief and broken heart over the loss of my Grandmother and the suppression of unhealed childhood trauma. I picked up that little white pill and walked in the shadows for ten years. This was my spiritual death and it came with absolutely no prisoners as it ruthlessly wreaked havoc on my mental, spiritual, and physical health. I stood under a showerhead at my absolute rock bottom and felt the hot water soften my stiff, achy muscles as I cried. I was completely and utterly broken, looking for a way out of a cycle that I had continued to repeat for ten years. I dropped to my knees with the water running over my head above and asked for help from something that was bigger than myself. That was the beginning of my spiritual awakening and the first time I felt the presence of something more that gave me hope, and that hope changed everything.
My recovery was a slow process that took diving deep and looking at the emotional trauma that I had buried and tried to run away from. This is sometimes called Shadow Work as we reflect on the darker aspects of ourselves and allow suppressed memories to resurface for healing. Through this process I began to experience moments of awakening as I peeled back layer after layer. The biggest moment however is when I started to experience Astral Projection for the first time and met my “shadow” in literal terms. The first time I went to the Astral plane I did not leave my body fully, instead I seemed to hover over my physical body as I felt my etheric one. I felt physical jolt like sensations as I attempted to lift my body and then felt surprise and confusion when my limbs would not respond. In this space I quickly noticed my thoughts as if they had been magnified tenfold. As I listened and tuned into this energy I was feeling, I became increasingly aware that my thought patterns were not only my own and was in fact intertwined with another darker entity. I was able to distinguish between the two different thought patterns only because of the energetic magnification the Astral realm provided. This darkness was more than just my addiction manifested on another plane. I believe it was feeding off of my own energy source and the more I started to raise my energetic vibration, the more my darkness was brought to light for me to fight both physically and spiritually. I was quite literally having a battle in the Astral Realm as I felt this “shadow” and had no idea how to fight something I could not see but only feel.
This discovery took a turn when I laid down for an afternoon nap and found myself in the in-between once again with my shadowy figure. It tugged and pulled on my body as though I had a tornado inside me trying to blow the winds of full blown destruction from within. This internal movement clawed and pulled, trying to gnaw from the inside out. I could feel my Astral body twisting and moving back and forth as I tried to fight this energy off. This time I was aware of what was happening because I had met this dark passenger before and I was not going to let it take me down without a fight. However, the more I tried to push it off of me the more I felt completely succumbed by its power. What was this energy and why would it not release me from its grip? That’s when I called his name and I do not remember the thought process that led up to me reaching out, only the sensation that I knew I could not fight this energy alone. I could not push this darkness away by myself and so just like I had called out in the shower before, I called out again. I called his name “Michael” and immediately like a light shining from a beacon above I saw his face. With bright luminescent skin, piercing blue eyes and shoulder length light brown hair. I saw only his face and then felt a pull as I was yanked from my body. Without looking back I floated through my ceiling. This was the moment that I finally separated from the darkness and my physical body to connect fully to my Astral one.
Once pulled from my body I found myself in what I can only describe to be a hotel room. It had furniture that looked simple and standard for everyday business travel and almost felt as though it was a meeting room of sorts. I no longer saw Michael but felt his presence and heard his voice. As I stood next to the standardized bed; I was drawn to a very large window in front of me with light that almost hurt my eyes. To my amazement looking out I saw people floating and realized that I was not in a normal building at all but instead a high rise that had no bottom. A beautiful mountain sitting on a bed of clouds was off in the distance and here I was seeing people floating, no longer needing their legs to get around. I laughed joyfully because the whole scene was extraordinary and then heard Michael’s voice say, “You can do that as well, all you have to do is trust”. This intrigued my curiosity and before I knew it I was floating up once again but this time going through the window. I thought to myself that I can float and I would not fall but no sooner than I had left the safety of what I thought was the bedroom floor in that strange in between meeting room, I began to doubt. I began to have thoughts that I must touch the ground in order to get from point A to point B, fear that I actually could not fly, and then complete doubt and fear of falling altogether. As soon as I stopped trusting I immediately started to fall. Luckily this only lasted half a second before being swooped up from Michael and brought to another location. I believe looking back that this was just a test and lesson I was being shown and now see the words “leap of faith” with different eyes. Arch-Angel Michael then brought me to a patch of land where I could see the Sydney, Australian Opera House off into the distance to the right of me. I do not know why I was brought there to that specific location but then again I did not feel the need to question what was happening. All I was aware of at that moment was the feeling I felt which was that my whole body was moving at a vibratory level I had never experienced before. An electric current ran through my Astral body with complete peace and calm as I watched the sun rise and felt the suns energy in a way I had never experienced before. I could feel my body absorb the sunlight and move throughout my circulatory system as it became a part of me. I was connected to the light as I vibrated pure love and passion. It was the first time I had ever felt the full power of Kundalini energy as it moved through my Chakras. This feeling was not something brought on by drugs or an opiate pill but something that had been lying dormant at the base of my spine just waiting for me to tap into it. While in this state Michael talked to me and although I won’t share everything, I can say that all that mattered in that moment was love. Money did not exist, greed was not necessary, and trivial things like whether or not I folded that last load of laundry did not matter. As I stood there on that patch of land watching the sun rise and feeling the wonderful waves of energy, I realized that Michael had taken me away from the darkness. He had showed up exactly when I needed him and caught me exactly when I fell and lost trust in myself. He showed me that love was all that mattered in the end and I felt one with everything and everyone.
When I woke up and realized I was back inside my physical body everything changed. I was no longer the same person on an energetic and etheric level. I was something more and was beginning to change into who I was meant to be all along. I know now that I had to walk in the dark to see the light and with that came trust and understanding in myself and a higher power. We may not be able to do everything on our own and that’s okay. It’s okay to need help and it’s okay to even be in a dark place because although uncomfortable it is necessary for our growth. That experience happened five years ago and truly was the beginning of a new life for myself and the desire to help others. I have since learned how to communicate with my guides and Arch-Angels on a vibratory level because of the awareness I have within and outside of myself. I have fallen to the depths of my version of Hell and was lifted up in my hour of need to see my Heaven. I do not share this story today to convince you that Angels exists because how they exists for you could be completely different then my own personal experience I had that day when I walked with Michael. Instead I share my journey because it is how I answered the call, that inner call to be bigger than myself and help others. I believe addiction to be a generational curse, mental disease, as well as the result of unhealed trauma. We reach for something to fix our pain because we do not know how to cope with our current reality. The end result is complete and utter spiritual death. We are here to learn and grow and with that comes the energetic battle with our demons, addictions, and traumas on a spiritual and physical level. The battle has begun but we will persevere.
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