---
title: Celebrate the Father YOU Chose, Or How to Celebrate the Dad Who May Have Loved You Inadequately
description: At SWIHA< we invite you to learn more about how you can celebrate father's day.
---

[Mindfulness News | Healing Arts Stories | SWIHA Blog](https://www.blog.swiha.edu)

# [Celebrate the Father YOU Chose, Or How to Celebrate the Dad Who May Have Loved You Inadequately](https://www.blog.swiha.edu/celebrate-the-father-you-chose-or-how-to-celebrate-the-dad-who-may-have-loved-you-inadequately)

 Written by [KC Miller](https://www.blog.swiha.edu/author/kc-miller) | 6/19/16 4:00 PM

*<http://www.swiha.edu>‘Happy Father’s Day’* does not always seem to fit for some people who had less than an ‘A+’ experience with their fathers.  The ‘A’ often stands of Abusive, Abandonment, or Awfully-emotionally-unavailable.

Long ago, I learned to celebrate the lessons my father gifted me as a child of an Alcoholic father.  Yes, I have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility; yes, I highly prefer to be ‘in control’, and yes, I tend to ‘*do it myself’* because I can predict the results.  While I have had to learn to temper and refined all these qualities I inherited as a result of who my father was, in the end, they have served me well.

The last lesson my father taught me has most shaped my life.  **It is the importance of being able to imagine. **

My father’s birthday was June 13 and often fell on Father’s Day.  In late December, 20 years ago, my father had just returned from an AA meeting with a burning desire to work the[5th & 8th](http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/smf-121_en.pdf)steps:

- *Admit to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.*
- *Make a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.*

Dad went into great detail to ask for my forgiveness and made sure he told me he loved me.  When he hugged me, I was very aware the hug had extra meaning.  Brushing off this intimate moment I said, *“Dad, it’s fine . . . it’s all good . . . . I’ll see you in six months for your 70th birthday.”*

<http://www.swiha.edu>As he stepped back, wiping away a tear, he mumbled:  *“I can’t imagine being 70!*” He died a few weeks after.

To this day I consciously choose to **imagine** whatever it is I want in my life. In my [coaching](http://swiha.edu/life-coaching-programs/) and everyday conversation, I say:

- **Imagine that . . .**
- **Are you willing to imagine?**
- **What would happen if you allowed yourself to imagine?**

In a *Forgiveness Ceremony* I facilitated a few years ago, I made the opening statement*:  “We all chose our own lessons!  We all choose our fathers!” * A big-rough-tough-like man sitting on the front row began to sob!  In total and utter gut-wrenching pain, he shouted*: “Why would anyone choose me as their father?”*

The entire room sat pin-dropping quiet, as we listened to the story his soul needed to tell: Through his shameful tears he admitted to being an abusive, out-of-control alcoholic, with a *godawful* temper.  Awakening from a blackout one night, he remembered seeing his little girl, with a red, swollen handprint on her face, weeping the words: “*Daddy I’ll be good  . . . daddy . .  . daddy . . . ” * The words being shouted by his ex-wife still burned into his mind:   *“If you love your child, you will leave!” *

He did leave.   He never drank again.  And, he became a decorated veteran.  Returning from war, the real battle had just begun. He had never forgiven himself for abandoning his daughter.  His plea was that he could find a way to forgive himself  . . . . His deepest fear was he would begin drinking again.

My invitation to him was this:  *“Rise to the Angel’s perspective . . . Look down on your daughter’s life  . . .  imagine how it may had been.” *

His immediate response was, *“I don’t need to do that.  I have kept track of her every step of the way!” * He proudly reported that she had an award-winning high school experience; she graduated college with honors; she married a really good guy . . . and she now had a little girl of her own.

<http://www.swiha.edu>Out of my mouth came the words:  ***“What IF her soul needed what only you, as her father, could offer?”***

Since he was a recovered alcoholic, my challenge to him was:  *“Can you imagine going to her and doing the work of the 5th & 8th steps?”*

- *Admit to your daughter, the exact nature of your wrongs.*

- *Be willing to make amends.*

This story has a very happy ending:  On Father’s Day, dressed in his military whites, complete with his metals of honor, he knocked on his daughter’s door.  She answered the door . . . and without a moment’s hesitation she hugs him saying:  *“I have prayed this day would come all my life!”*

Before you are quick to say that not every ‘father-child’ story will have a story-book ending like this one, ***imagine it does!***

What would happen IF you allowed yourself to imagine you chose your father and *whatever experiences* he gave you; they make you the person you are today?  Can you imagine today being:  ***Happy ME Day*** . . . ***I am who I am because of the father I chose!***

As I was writing this blog, I had the opportunity to ask [three ](http://greatgraduates.com/)[graduates](http://greatgraduates.com/) of the [Mind Body Transformational Associates program](https://swiha.edu/mind-body-transformational-psychology/) ,who  had shared their fathers who did a great job *‘**loving them-inadequately’*, what they learned from choosing an “A-type” father. In all cases they said: *“**I learned how I want to parent! *My father taught me how to love my children differently than I was loved . . . and I can celebrate that!”

**For those of you who do not even remotely relate to this blog: Blessings, blessings!  Hug your father extra tight today! **

As for me, I am hugging my father who is in heaven today, with my prayer being:  *Thank you daddy for doing your assignment well . . . Because of you I am the strong, independent, hard-working, pray-ful woman I am today!  I love you!  **Happy Father’s Day!***

***Discover how [SWIHA](http://www.swiha.edu) can help you truly understand and utilize your gifts to make your dreams a reality. Learn more about the programs we offer including life coaching, mind body transformation, and so much more.***

### About the Author,  KC Miller

KC Miller has been a go-getter for over 40 years and a true pioneer as a Holistic Entrepreneur. As a longtime [massage therapist](http://swiha.edu/massage-program/), [reflexologist](http://swiha.edu/reflexology-toe-reading/), [Reiki Practitioner](http://swiha.edu/reiki-program/), [Life Coach](http://swiha.edu/life-coaching-programs/), [Toe Reader](http://swiha.edu/reflexology-toe-reading/) and Ordained Minister she knows firsthand that you can create a business out of thin air with purpose and passion. Her original motto was: Let me be an instrument in the peace and healing of others. From her private practice KC grew the awarding-winning nationally accredited private college, Southwest Institute of Healing Arts. The mission statement has changed to reflect with even more passion KC’s commitment to holistic entrepreneurship: “We inspire individuals to discover the gifts and graces and support them in taking their skills into the world in a loving and profitable way.”

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